I suspect the welcome mat is starting to wear thin

I have tried to avoid blogging about my stay here with James and Dianne because by and large the issues and events that have taken place over my time here with my friends is not the business of the world at large. However I am personally starting to feel very much that my time here is drawing to a close and I really hope that it doesn't culminate with a chilling of our friendships.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think I've gone and done anything remarkably stupid or anything to make me lose my friends but I think that the turbulence in their relationship, coupled with my not being as good at pulling my weight around here as I could have been, and the fact that a one bedroom appartment just isn't big enough for three people--no matter how seemingly roomy it may be--have all come together to make me feel very much that it would be a big weight off of everyone if I could eek my way out of here as early and easily as possible, leaving them with a freshly restored dining room as well as space and time enough to sort out their own stuff without fear of interruption by their friend camping out in the living room.

I also need some space where I can unpack without fear of being underfoot, or of being messier than anyone else. Living with Nick was much different because mostly we were able to work together to keep the common areas clean and I was free to contain my own mess within the walls of my bedroom. But when the bedroom also happens to be the common area things get somewhat trickier.

Now that I'm writing about it I can't help but feel that I want to get out of here as soon as I possibly can, Unfortunatly I also know that asap isn't until at least Saturday because I have my first shift at the book store on friday and my mom is still in Europe, leaving me with one less ride for my stuff and one less house key. Also my mom's place isn't ideal either, I don't have any more of a bed room there and it's so far away as to be almost totally impractical for everything, but at least it's a big enough house that I won't be right in everyone's way and at least it will only be for another week, then I can start moving into my new room in my new place.

I know that after my plans fell apart I wrote that perhaps God has some more lessons for me to learn before I can begin the work of opening a house of hospitality, and while I am certainly feeling that the lessons are going on I also can't help but feel like I'm sleeping through class and forgetting to do the home work.

I'm tired, and getting weary, and I can't wait until the first of October so I can have a place of my own I can retreat to. Let's hope I can learn from all of this and maybe start identifying the areas I need to improve on in the way I live my life and figure out constructive and practical ways of making these changes so that when I do start living in a house that is open to all kinds of people I don't become the biggest object in the way of ensuring a positive and helpful environment for all concerned.

anyway I should really get to bed now, it's getting late.
CR